Position Vacant

Jolly man in red seeks a capable assistant.

Must enjoy snow, flying and like large animals. Interest or qualifications in engineering, carpentry vital. Mechanics or animatronics are a plus but not essential. Must be comfortable working with people of small stature and capable of resource management and decision making. Excellent organizational skills essential.
Intelligent women looking for a fulfilling, lifetime career please apply.

Ph 800 NTH POLE

 

The North Pole needs a Mrs. Claus or, at least, someone who can do the job. Simon Witte, Nick (aka Santa) Klauson’s best friend, is sent out to find the right woman for the job.
Bea Raymond is through with her small town and its narrow minded views. She is breaking out and taking a new job offer…half a world away.

Only two men could cook up a stupid scheme where “potential career advancement” means marriage; and it only takes one woman, falling in love with the wrong man, to screw it up.

 

 

Excerpt:

 

“ Look, Nick, you have to choose one.” Simon sighed as he tried in vain to get his good friend to take notice of the applications in his hand.

“The Elfin Union rep is hinting at a strike, the dwarves are constantly arriving late … I don’t even want to think about what Rudolph and Dancer are getting up to with Vixen and Prancer … you have to choose someone, now! We can’t go another season without having someone doing Mrs. Claus’ job.” Simon slapped the resumes down on Nick’s blotter and leaned over the front of the desk putting his head in Nick’s personal space to get his attention. “Nick!”

Looking up, Nick started at Simons face glaring at him from such a close range. Carefully he put down the internal mechanics of the new toy he was developing and sighed.

“I already told you, Simon, just choose one that you think best fits the bill. You know me well enough to figure out a good match.”

Simon muttered under his breath as he retreated back to his side of the desk, “Sometimes too damn well.”

“I told you, I don’t want to get married so find someone to fill the job — maybe even someone I might like to marry.” Nick picked up another half finished toy. “Look, I have toys almost ready for production but I have to work out all the final kinks before we can get started.”

“There won’t be any damn production running if things carry on the way they are.” Simon paced to and fro across the room, running his hands distractedly through the long fall of blonde hair. Dropping his hands, he turned abruptly to his friend. “For Saint’s sake Nick, this isn’t some secretary position that anyone can fill.”

Sinking into one of the comfortable chairs beside the fireplace, Simon dropped his head into his hands, his frustration at his friend’s lack of concern rather clear. Simon’s hair was starting to look rather porcupine like from all his yanking and pulling. Not such a good look for an Elf who took pride in his good looks. “What if you don’t like my choice … what happens then?”

Nick moved from behind the desk, absently patting his second in command on the shoulder as he strode past, heading towards his cluttered work bench. “I trust you Simon; you know the type of people I like to work with — besides, if she doesn’t work out, well we get someone new. It’s not like I have to marry her or anything … but I guess it would solve some problems.” Nick nervously fiddled with his tools, and turned back to Simon. “I know I have to have to get married at some point … I just … well I just haven’t found that someone special, you know?”

Despite Simon’s annoyance, he had to smile back at his friend. “So I guess that means all the pain in the ass things I have to put up with each day until we get someone to do the job is really my donation to the cause of Santa Claus finding the love of his life?”

“Well, yeah … is that such a bad thing? I know having to pick up the slack since Mum left has been … difficult. It hasn’t been easy for me either since Mum decided to up and leave for the sun, sand and young men in Speedo’s in Florida.” Nicks fist clenched around the hammer in his hand. “That new freaking Elfin Union rep … ” He dropped the hammer to the bench with a clatter that made Simon wince. “ … that woman drives me insane!”

Standing up Simon made to leave. “So fill the position of ‘Santa’s assistant’ with someone efficient, hardworking, and good looking, and if by chance she takes your fancy you might finalize the deal … ”

Nick interrupted him. “Damn Simon, make sound bad why don’t you, I only meant … well … you never know when the love bug might bite – she might be just what I have been looking for. It’s not like I’m asking you to pimp for me for Saints sake.” Nick shrugged and grinned. “Hey, I’m Santa, but I’m still a guy, I’m not going to complain about some eye candy that’s over four foot tall.”

Simon laughed along with his friend and boss. “What about all the Elves?”

“Pfttt, like they look at me when you’re in the room.” Simon preened at Nick’s comments as he opened the door to leave.

“Anyway, I’m not promising anything Simon, but, if by chance I like her, I will take the time to get to know her … you just never know.”

“Yeah, yeah … blah, blah, blah, more work for Simon … ” He managed to shut the door before the nerf ball made contact with his head.

 

 

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